I Admit

I never admit certain things in my life. Admitting those things, saying it out loud, makes things real. And once it’s done you can’t take it back.

I admit, I’ve been surrounded by some amazing people these last few days. They’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been in a while. Someone who always private their lives (a lot of times, like me) shared things with me. I never admit that I love the people I’m surrounded by because I’ll never know how long they’ll actually stay in my life. “People always leave.” (Phrase from One Tree Hill.) So many people have come into my life and left. And all that’s left is those memories and questions of what happened that made us drift apart. I’m taking a giant leap of faith that some of these people will always be in my life. I can see those reunions and get together in the future already.

I was told I cry at everything. Which to an extent is true. I have the ability to cry at everything because I can feel everyone’s pain and suffering or sometimes happiness and love. But when it comes down to my own, I just pile on the bricks to a higher wall. No tears shed. I admit, it’s been two weeks with everything going on and I finally cried about everything that bothered me last night. Those things weren’t even directly connected to me. I was more worried about those people that hurt me, getting hurt. Stupid, huh? Given it was only a 3-5 minute full on cry, in the end it did feel better. Only thing was I had to admit some things that I’ve never admitted to before in my entire life. That made things more real to me which made it hurt more.

Another relationship died today. I really thought they would last forever. From what I’ve learned every time: there will always be the burning question of “What If?”, is this something I will regret, and in the end, love is never enough.