My Wall Is Up Too High

Tonight I got one of the most heartbreaking calls in my life. Eric S. called to tell me about everything he went through. I bet me crying on the other end as he spoke wasn’t helping matters. It’s been almost a month since his mum’s passing. I am horrible when it comes to death and in a way I think he knew … so I only texted him telling him I was there for him. He talked about the events from the last time I saw him and his parents at their house that led up to where he is now. How he tries to be strong but breaks down once in a while. Him asking God for a sign and getting it in his dream. All I could do was listen. He’s one of the people who I don’t have to see at all and talk once in a blue moon on the phone. But he understands me and I understand him. He spoke until he couldn’t speak anymore. And there was silence on both ends. Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed. Silence to breathe.

Because of all the emotions I felt, I wrote a new song. It’s missing one verse but other than that, it’s done. In some way you can put parts of it with Eric and his mum and other times you could put parts of it with giving up before you fall too fast and get hurt. Up to your interpretation. With all these emotions of pain I’ve been feeling lately, it just seemed appropriate to write and it feels nice to get it out because sometimes acting like everything is okay … hurts.

Now if only I could put to actions with the words I write.

Car Shopping

I set out to Houston bright and early and throughout the whole 3 hour car ride all by my lonely self, I cried.

I started thinking about Eric’s Mum … leading me to think of Uncle N. and how he’ll never see me do all the things I’ve grown up to do. I always tell myself it’s a privilege to be alive. To have so many people in and out of my life. People who love tolerate me and my issues.

I cried because I was sad that there are so many people who I wish was still in my life but I also cried because I was happy that there are so many people who are still here for me and I know will never leave.

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Onto happier news. I played around with Rocky, showered, then headed out for a 7 hour car shopping experience. Car Shopping = Boring! We ended up buying a brand new SUV which was actually my 3rd choice. It’s not a well known brand but it gets me from place to place.

I’m slowly falling in love with it. I got to drive it to Sugar Land to see family since it’s a new year. I cannot wait to have it all to myself. Till then, it’ll stay at home so that it gets a good mileage and an oil change before I do long drives.

I got to eat dinner with the parentals, June, Sissy, and Uncle G. It was fun and I am happy I made my way down here even though this Houston trip only equals to less than 24 hours.

Love Life.