My Wall Is Up Too High

Tonight I got one of the most heartbreaking calls in my life. Eric S. called to tell me about everything he went through. I bet me crying on the other end as he spoke wasn’t helping matters. It’s been almost a month since his mum’s passing. I am horrible when it comes to death and in a way I think he knew … so I only texted him telling him I was there for him. He talked about the events from the last time I saw him and his parents at their house that led up to where he is now. How he tries to be strong but breaks down once in a while. Him asking God for a sign and getting it in his dream. All I could do was listen. He’s one of the people who I don’t have to see at all and talk once in a blue moon on the phone. But he understands me and I understand him. He spoke until he couldn’t speak anymore. And there was silence on both ends. Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed. Silence to breathe.

Because of all the emotions I felt, I wrote a new song. It’s missing one verse but other than that, it’s done. In some way you can put parts of it with Eric and his mum and other times you could put parts of it with giving up before you fall too fast and get hurt. Up to your interpretation. With all these emotions of pain I’ve been feeling lately, it just seemed appropriate to write and it feels nice to get it out because sometimes acting like everything is okay … hurts.

Now if only I could put to actions with the words I write.

Free Food And Good Times

I love Fridays even though they are the longest days of my life. But the people in it makes every Friday tolerable.

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I went to the CPE bright and early to do some FTK work before class. And free breakfast was given to me! Yum!! I didn’t eat it all because it was dang heavy for a morning meal but it was dang good! Bacon (which I’m not a fan of), beans (which makes you fart), potatoes (which I love), sunny side eggs (which weren’t so sunny), and veggies (which made the potatoes yummy).

Then I went to take my Guitar Test. Got an “A”! Whoop! Then went to take my Vocal Test and did HORRIBLE! My accompanist who I’ve never practiced with wouldn’t go to a lower octave for my song so I had to sing it higher. I sounded like a dying cat! Sad smile

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Lunch was served at the CPE! Make your own sandwiches and broccoli soup. Broccoli soup is fattening so I was sad but it was so good and warm in my tummy!! Went to Leadership Challenge class then the FTK meeting.

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Went to Habanero’s yet again! Yums! We sat there chilling and talking and it just felt nice. I really enjoy their company. Now all I have to do is learn to be nice to people so that they’ll be my friend. Winking smile

Patricia, Shayna, Andrew C., Eric S., and I hung out at Eric’s afterwards. We watched an episode of Workaholics. It was hilarious and I can’t believe I’ve never seen it.

Then we played a few games of King’s Cup that soon turned into games of Truth or Dare. WTF, right? That game sucks because I never have good questions to ask people and it makes me share too much about myself. Hopefully what we shared really does stay in that circle. Embarrassing …

Then we played Just Dance 3 on the Xbox Kinect that soon turned into the boys playing Fifa.

It was a fun night even though it was just the five of us. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. Not wasting money on clubs or bars. Or getting knocked over because of crowds. Just a chill night with great company.

Saturday, I’m ready for you. Homework. Basketball practice. Possible Girls Night with FSA.

Happy Saturday! Smile

Car Shopping

I set out to Houston bright and early and throughout the whole 3 hour car ride all by my lonely self, I cried.

I started thinking about Eric’s Mum … leading me to think of Uncle N. and how he’ll never see me do all the things I’ve grown up to do. I always tell myself it’s a privilege to be alive. To have so many people in and out of my life. People who love tolerate me and my issues.

I cried because I was sad that there are so many people who I wish was still in my life but I also cried because I was happy that there are so many people who are still here for me and I know will never leave.

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Onto happier news. I played around with Rocky, showered, then headed out for a 7 hour car shopping experience. Car Shopping = Boring! We ended up buying a brand new SUV which was actually my 3rd choice. It’s not a well known brand but it gets me from place to place.

I’m slowly falling in love with it. I got to drive it to Sugar Land to see family since it’s a new year. I cannot wait to have it all to myself. Till then, it’ll stay at home so that it gets a good mileage and an oil change before I do long drives.

I got to eat dinner with the parentals, June, Sissy, and Uncle G. It was fun and I am happy I made my way down here even though this Houston trip only equals to less than 24 hours.

Love Life.

I’ve known him for five years. The first day we met, he was able to share with me a secret: his Mum has cancer. For someone who’s going through with a lot, he stays strong. I look up to him. Someone who puts himself through school and helps out around the house. All while keeping positive and never giving up on anything.

His Mum past away last week but now she’s no longer in pain. She’s free. And I know she has left a mark in everyone’s hearts that she has touched.

Eric, though I was never formally introduced to your Mum, everyone always said the best things about her to the point where I felt like I knew her. Always know I’m there for you and your family. I am always here with a shoulder to lean on, ears to listen to your words, and a heart that will forever love you and all that you do. You’ve inspired me in ways that I cannot explain. You have been an amazing friend to me and all I can do is be there for you in this time of need. My thoughts go to you and your family.

Rocks

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Rocky got to sleep in my room the last few nights. He would climb onto my extra bed that’s in my room then into his own bed. He so cute! Smile

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We dropped Rocky at the vet’s for his check up on Monday and on the way back it was flooding like crazy. The water pretty much came up to more than half my tires. Eep.

I’m such a safe driver that I can take pictures during a time like this …

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A package came to my front steps! Rocky started sniffing it. Stinkin’ cute!

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Michelle, Stephanie, and I met up last night and we got drinks. I got the Half and Half (Harp Lager and Guinness).

It was also bingo night. We got there for the last round = blackout. I was very excited. I’ve always wanted to play grown up bingo! I lost though … obviously.

I’ve been back to San Antonio as of 11:30am. I went to work on some FTK stuff until 7:30pm then hung out with Andrew C., Eric S., and a guy I just met, Paul. We had drinks and dinner at Flying Saucer then went and played pool. Teams of two … 3 out of 5. We = Andrew and I, lost. Of course. Anyone who’s ever on my team will lose …